Here is what I am getting at...I am miserable! Absolutely miserable with myself! I have gained 15 of the 21 pounds I had originally lost, back! And my goal was to be at a good, healthy weight by summer, and I have blown it! To smithereens I might add!
What doesn't make sense is, I feel terrible. I have horrible heartburn (from stuffing my face), I can't sleep (from stuffing my face), I can't fit into anything (from stuffing my face), and I am so tired and exhausted all the time (Yes...from stuffing my face)! So, why do I continue to do the same things when I know it only makes me feel like...like....CRAP! You know the saying, "When you know better, you do better.", well that is a LIE! I know better but I am a far cry from doing better!
So, after being so miserable yesterday I decided once again I would try to get this FAT thing under control. Last night Brody and I headed to Target to purchase the 30 Day Shred. I made several excuses not to go, and one of course, was I was way too tired (go figure). And I didn't need to spend the extra money. I made a deal with myself, if it was too expensive I would not purchase it (sounds completely ridiculous considering I never say that when it comes to food!) But, needless to say..we headed off.
Lo and behold...guess what? Sale, Sale, Sale! Now I love me good sale..but when I rounded the corner and saw that all exercise DVDs were 50% off, I didn't run and jump with excitement (probably should have, could have started the burn right there). Yes, it applied to the 30 Day Shred...$9.99 mind you! I figure if that mean, hard, woman can whip a 400 pound man into shape, she may stand a chance with me!Okay, so here is the deal...I am hoping by posting this that you will help me be accountable, and the fact that if I fail at it will bring even more guilt since I am stupid enough to post this, then I might actually stick with it. Stranger things have happened!
On a more serious note, I am really just trying to be truthful with you. I have a FOOD problem. A serious FOOD problem. My close friends know my struggle, but not everyone. I don't like to air it all, but so many of you have come to me asking for advice in this area (I have laughed with GOD on that one!) and confessing your desire to do a bible study on just this. Girls, it's time to BELIEVE that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It's time to give GOD authority over this area of our lives.
Enough for now...I have stopped several times and almost deleted this post. If I don't end it now, I might back-track. Just know, I am with you. I understand what this is like. Jillian Michaels may have the ability to kick my B-U-T-T, but My Redeemer has the power to transform my pitiful, weak, LIFE!
In just over 3 months I will turn 35. I have a check-up with my thyroid doctor the same week and he said, if I am not in better physical condition, he will put me on cholesterol meds at that time. And blood pressure meds might be next. Girls, that has my attention!
I'll keep you posted on "The Shred"...will do session 1 today..Please pray I don't kill over...if I do, just know I am in Heaven, sitting at my table ...probably eating!!! Hey, don't frown at me... He said it....
Isaiah 25:6
"On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine— the best of meats and the finest of wines."
Hope there's Coconut Pie...
Love you, girls!
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3 comments:
Honey, I do so understand. I am starting to notice all the shirts I am buying look more like maternaty shirts. I went out & spent who knows how much on a Wii board & games. ( not useing any of it) Bought Bubba (my pit pup) all new collar & leash so we could start walking together. Poor dog has only gone on 1 walk. Tell myself all the time going to start doing this tomorrow (bible study,eat better,exercise,call & see more friends) & the list goes on & on. Tomorrow hasn't got here yet. So I do so understand what you are going through. And by the way I just don't go to the doctor. But 1 thing I do know the harder you are on yourself the less you feel like doing something & then it starts affecting everything else in your life. So don't be to hard on yourself because that brings wrinkles & I think that you are beutiful just the way you are. Your rolly polly friend Diane
I understand completely!!! I am starting P90X tomorrow and I am scared to death!!! Why in the world would I be scared to workout but I am!!! Good Luck!!!
Okay, so you don't know me, but I found your blog through "white spray paint" and what you wrote resonated with me...Amen sista! I have been there so well I could draw you a map!
I have finally decided to STOP the madness and stop dieting, it is the best feeling~free~from this point on I have decided to just change my life. There are no "bad" foods, which makes everything less desirable-you know what I mean? that doesn't mean I have dropped a ton of weight, but I am learning how to care for my body from the inside out. I could go on and on, but won't here! I am reading "the Spectrum" by Dr. Dean Ornish, very good. Check out my blogs: thetravelingrobinsons.blogspot.com and thiswomansnewlife.blogspot.com to get to know me better!
Thanks for your great words~a reminder! Hope to hear from you.
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